5th
you know…i try
I’m coming up only to hold you under I’m coming up only to show you wrong And to know you is hard and we wonder To know you all wrong, we were -Band Of Horses You’re not the one who deserves to think of yourself as treated poorly. You’re fucking fine. You’re the one who left my ass bawling on my knees cripplingly ashamed a few days after you were hugging on me all night at Cold Play. After two years of promises. After you promised no matter what happened we would work it out because you loved me. After you left me when I needed you. After I tried everything. After you lost the weight. After you started waking up a little earlier on sunday. After you remembered the second half of what you did with him. And who knows if we’ll end up with a Paul Harvey thowback and you’ll give me the rest of the fucking story. After I was forgiving you. After I stated giving the space you needed. I say “I need a friend” You say “I don’t care what you have to say” “I want to go out with my friends” “The past two years weren’t fun” “Leave.” You are an awful person for what you did. I don’t forgive you. And what do you do now? You shut me out of your life completely even when, 5 months later, I kindly ask for one last day of closure. One day so my last memory of you isn’t what it is. But wait, every once in awhile, just enough to keep me fucking aware of you, you’ll leave a comment or send a video or something. You betrayed me. I don’t forgive you. So don’t you even profess what kind of clarity your getting from sharing secrets with you’re dad. The two of you only have the capasity to see whats best for the two of you, not what your life does to others. So congrats, “CERTAIN SOMEONE” cause now in the throws of your new strength from revelaing your sad, hurtful past I created, you can live oblivious to the fact that you’re no better then I am. You fucked me up for a long time and somethimes I still feel it. I don’t forgive you. I put up with everthing with not much as a thank you. Every fucking day—a battle with the scale. Everyday I ran the risk of having a girlfriend who would hate the mirror. Everyday my buttons were pushed so I was the bad guy. My stepmom told me something that I never thought of before. I never understood why I was always sickingly anxious with you and why I never trusted you. It’s because I’m a good judge of character and I knew what you were from the begining but shut it down because I wanted to be feel like shit more than I wanted to be alone. Putting nice scenery up around the pool doesn’t make it any less shallow.
