today is gunna be the day...

finally. someone let me out of my cage.

ddw

passion

Why did I love her? Because it was her; because it was me.
-Montaigne.

The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.
-Blaise Pasal

Love teaches even asses to dance.
-French Proverb

and you’ll ask yourself…where is my mind

i think im moving to new york.

i havent prayed in months and months and on st patricks day, i did again. i got two answers since then. for sure. one is that moving is a good idea and i can do it. the second, is to not let that someone go. obviously one of us is wrong. :)

you only live once.

im excited. i got this.

and if you feel, like i feel sugar…

So…girls…I might as well get around to it, it’s pretty much all I’m thinking about.

I like girls.

I like girls that have:
-red hair
-short hair
-curves
-fair complected
-expressive eyes
-cute noses

I like girls that are:
-intelligent
-cuddly
-sexual
-mature
-not selfish

I want a relationship with a girl so:
-I can have a partner in crime.
-I’ll have someone to sleep next to
-We can make new secrets to have
-I can hold hands
- and cuddle
- and kiss
- and have sex with her, eventually. 

Im 19. I have an inability to just hook up with whoever. Which sucks because I’m a guy and mildly expected of us. I’d like to, but alas, it’s not in the cards for me. I think it’s a respect thing. I mean, if I don’t respect you, I can’t sleep with you. Besides, only one person has crossed that plain and I happen to be in love with her still and my bitch-ass is waiting for things to work out.

you know…i try

I’m coming up only to hold you under I’m coming up only to show you wrong And to know you is hard and we wonder To know you all wrong, we were -Band Of Horses You’re not the one who deserves to think of yourself as treated poorly. You’re fucking fine. You’re the one who left my ass bawling on my knees cripplingly ashamed a few days after you were hugging on me all night at Cold Play. After two years of promises. After you promised no matter what happened we would work it out because you loved me. After you left me when I needed you. After I tried everything. After you lost the weight. After you started waking up a little earlier on sunday. After you remembered the second half of what you did with him. And who knows if we’ll end up with a Paul Harvey thowback and you’ll give me the rest of the fucking story. After I was forgiving you. After I stated giving the space you needed. I say “I need a friend” You say “I don’t care what you have to say” “I want to go out with my friends” “The past two years weren’t fun” “Leave.” You are an awful person for what you did. I don’t forgive you. And what do you do now? You shut me out of your life completely even when, 5 months later, I kindly ask for one last day of closure. One day so my last memory of you isn’t what it is. But wait, every once in awhile, just enough to keep me fucking aware of you, you’ll leave a comment or send a video or something. You betrayed me. I don’t forgive you. So don’t you even profess what kind of clarity your getting from sharing secrets with you’re dad. The two of you only have the capasity to see whats best for the two of you, not what your life does to others. So congrats, “CERTAIN SOMEONE” cause now in the throws of your new strength from revelaing your sad, hurtful past I created, you can live oblivious to the fact that you’re no better then I am. You fucked me up for a long time and somethimes I still feel it. I don’t forgive you. I put up with everthing with not much as a thank you. Every fucking day—a battle with the scale. Everyday I ran the risk of having a girlfriend who would hate the mirror. Everyday my buttons were pushed so I was the bad guy. My stepmom told me something that I never thought of before. I never understood why I was always sickingly anxious with you and why I never trusted you. It’s because I’m a good judge of character and I knew what you were from the begining but shut it down because I wanted to be feel like shit more than I wanted to be alone. Putting nice scenery up around the pool doesn’t make it any less shallow.

and i say…

So I’ve been thinking. What makes someone truly beautiful?

Cause I’ve known some less aesthetically appetizing entrees that carry the ability to severely soften the heart. I’ve also known some great looking people, I mean stop-to-catch-your-breath stunners that’ll fuck your shit up.

What I’ve decided for myself is that I’m automatically attracted to the human aspect of people. I immediatly relate to the creeper down the hall when he changes his status on facebook to missing his girlfriend. I can put myself into the girls shoes who just needs to feel better and kisses you for a night that no one really mentions anymore. I get it when you cut your hair, get a piercing, a tattoo, go on a roadtrip, get new clothes, when you party, when you draw, you write, you talk, you exercise, you make new friends…cause the way things are going…today isn’t where you want to be,so you escape to tomorrow.

There are things that are so true and honest and vulnerable and powerful and real that they outshine whatever foundation, cover-up, powder, blush, eye shadow, mascara combination you can paint on. It doesn’t matter how many sports you play or what car you have or how many girls you’ve banged either bra.

I think you’re beautiful for those things.
I love you for those things.